(Excitement With Caution) LOKPAL

Only a spark was needed to awaken the people who are filled with hate against our corrupt representatives of this nation. But, is it there fault alone, should we not reform our self first??? The change might have started but shall not last if the people in this nation do not loose their greed and desire to make things easy by corruption. I heard a kid saying that corruption helps things done faster, Without understanding that it’s the corruption that is slowing the progress of this great nation. It’s stupid to say our nation will be still and watch all the wrong done by our politicians. Its foolish to say that we have no choice other than to select the corrupt as leaders. Since, is this not the country where “Gandhi” the man who over through the British empire was born, but beware this is also the nation where “Godse” too was born. So, i can only feel excitement to this change with caution.

INSPIRATION THROUGH INSPIRING WORDS

The energy is high, the mood is ecstatic and the brain relaxed enough to work the best. With the ingredient in place I was ready for great to achieve my dreams, passion and ideas, with the music of inspiration ringing in my head, I went to the bed, lied down and slept. When it was time to wake up it was only regret and self pity that remained. So much could have been done at the peak of my emotions, But, I was left to the thought of being helpless. Searching for inspiration I landed in the web site http://www.ted.com/. TED.com has a collection of speeches given by people, from all walks of life and different nations. The speeches are separated based on fields, languages and the purpose of it. Purpose includes inspiration, informative, courageous, Etc. TED.com helped me to gain inspiration from the courageous and from other speeches learnt to look into the other side of life. TED also contains many speeches by Indian social activist, ministers and innovators. Most of the videos, which the TED web hosts are very informative and will drive you to achieve.

Deep resistance {depression)

When I started to write this blog I was confident that i understood the reason for depression. Since, I was depressed for a year and managed to come out. I was confident that with the new found knowledge I could sum it up in a paragraph. But, while trying to write this i faced another tragedy and went back into depression. I began wondering again struggling to understand, where I was going wrong?, How is it that after the effort that I took to come of it, I was back in the same position??? Why is it this made my blood pressure go high at the age of 23?". All these thoughts created a desire for me to understand the cause for my blood pressure and a way to move on from depression.

Back drop: for years I was inflicting unnescesary stress on myself to find a good job and settle in life. It was so unnecessary that when in a group task if no one was interested I would still take up the task and try to complete it on my own, even though it was not simple and not very important. With this self centered mentality I tried to complete all the task in life, becoming lonely in the process. But, I am not sure if It was my fault all my child hood I was isolated with very few friends and doing things alone was not new. As the time went on my loneliness only became worse. During this time I fell in love with a girl. she was like a light in the darkness for me. She helped me see the better side of my life and I moved on from the lonely past of mine and started talking with people around me more often. It was becoming the best part of my life. As I was getting to move with more and more people I started to change, started to become rude. She started to move away more and more form me. I thought she was getting busy and i didn’t care much about it. But, when I found out that she was in love with someone else and is going to marry him. Everything around me came crashing down. It was the most depressing time for me. I hardly had any excuse. The person for whom i changed was no more with me. I lost the purpose and depression set in for good. No, excuse that I gave to myself consoled me. But, life is hard and we have to move on.

FORGETING was the most difficult thing to do especially when you don’t want to rember a person who is so deeply embedded in brain. It was time that helped me and my determination that was shattered, was back a little I had to move on. Staying at home alone was torturing the sorrow consumed me when alone. It was done with the little remaining strength I started going to job.

In order to forget the past and to retain the job I stressed myself to become the best, and it seemed to work. Though the stress inflicted upon me helped me focus on the work that was before hand, it made me blind of the world around, Bringing my social life to a stop. When I entered the job I got nervous even in the most basic task and did not perform well. Eventually stress got the better of me and i was forced to quit. Being jobless was also not easy, continues dormant status made me lose my wits and numbed my thinking. This just made things worse. Everything in within me was going bad my diet got ruined and I started feeling numb within. It was almost like something from within was telling me to take a break.

Discovering How to come out of depression was a mystery for me. With every step that I took to come out of depression, just back fired and worsened my situation. I had to sit and think about the reason for me being depressed and the reason was simple, I was feeling rejected by the world. Social needs of mine are not satisfied any more. I had to reason and assure myself that the world is simple; it’s only us who make things complicated. After all, objectives of life are to survive and reproduce. Are these, so hard a task that we have to get depressed for doing it? Well, I felt silly for being depressed and told myself that life was simple again and again whenever I felt depressed. So I gave myself a reason for not being depressed. (If you’re a person who is searching for purpose in life reason will surely improve your spirits)

Blood pressure is really a demoralizing factor. But, it helped me focus on the issues in which I was going wrong. I went back to focus about my past and on the things that which made me happy as a child. I went on to play sports of different fields, started jogging and reduced focus on my professional career. It helped me reduce the stress and gave me time to think about the things that I most enjoyed. With regular exercise and a good meal brought me to a healthy state. I almost started feeling like a kid again. The pressure started reducing and depression along with it. But, it did not happen in a day I had to frequently understand and feel myself to know if my steps are working. Meditation really helped me to feel the inner me. It relaxed my nerves and helped me control the thoughts. But, the time spent by me destroying the inner strength was more than the time taken to come out. It wasn’t easy at the beginning of every try to calm myself failed and reduced my confidence further it drove me to favor the worst thoughts. But, all along the thought that life simple, kept me going and helped me to understand the minor changes in life. Helping me to hope and hope for the best.

Over Coming Failure was the hardest part it was because of difficulties in handling failures that drove my head in the direction of depression. But, failure is also the factor that made me know me better. With every failure in making me better being an eye opener, helping me to take better choices.

Being with the Right People is very important to recover, many a times I found myself in situations where I didn’t want to be in. I felt I had no choice. But, its just the opposite. We are always in control, but we just don’t realize it. I understood it at the worst of the situation.

But, it was still worth the try and it reduced half my problems.

The increase in heart pressure and my wrong decisions and depression seemed to coincide. During this time i understood that going by others wish is the worst thing that a person can do. The whole world will tell us what’s good for us. But, we have to follow what we know is good for us. “Since, no one in the world can understand us better than ourselves”.

crawling into the shell within

Many a times it seemed interestingly simple to go and hide in a corner till the ghost in the movie went away. i wondered, what an amazingly easy thing escape is. if i can escape all the things that scare me, i never have to be worried again. Then came the day to face my fears the day of my first love. I was so amassed by the inflow of so many feelings i started getting scared. But, i had a way out of this, it was simple. To hide from it till it passes. it was beautiful it worked, those feelings did pass. But, so did the person i loved the most. i wondered "what just happened" unable to explain to myself what happened, i came to the conclusion that it was only natural that such things happen and it is more important to be successful in life. Then came the day i graduated and time to search for a job came. i tried for many that came my way and failed and suffered with the feeling of worthlessness and dejection. i got scared and remembered the old way that helped me from the ghost in the movie and having no other immediate remedy. I started hiding again from many good opportunity and good jobs. Again it helped me to remove the the thing's that i was scared of. The job interviews just stopped coming, i thought i would be happy. But, strangely it made me sad rather than enjoying my success. The success by avoiding every thing that i loved just because of the fear of it. Then i started wondering again "is crawling into the shell like a crab any good???". Then it hit me, the ghost in that movie went away, but the ghost didnt stop coming in other movies and hiding only allowed me to enjoy a day. hiding every day not only made the ghost go away, but made the world invisible to me.

Life a Reality or an Illusion

The sudden break in the economic stability and the following recession, was a shocking wake up call from the dream of ever growing economy. Suddenly, a sensation of nothing being real sets in. But, the failure of the system we created was no surprise. "To error is human" even if the persons who run's the country is perfect, the country will not be at its best. we may have to accept that we are living in an unreliable human society where every thing is destroyed and created out of man's greed and desires. So, on deeper pondering into the history of human, there was only one conclusion that was made. we are playing a game that nature created and we are going against the rules created for every living things on this simple planet. Thus, life is not an illusion its the world that we created around us. With more and more psychological research funded by corporates to discover the inner desires of humans, we are only being manipulated to believe on things that which turns out to be a mere illusion, created by our fellow humans. You may not agree to this but, these things are done merely to occupy the human mind with other thoughts, its more like Chinese trying to send more men to dangerous jobs to keep them occupied and not be a problem to society. If humans are not occupied or in our terms not involved in economic activity then our animal instinct kicks in then the stability of the society is affected. For Ex: maximum number of wars and slaughter takes place in least economically developed countries. So, when ever you feel life is an illusion, dont feel you are wrong, you have just come out of the matrix.

The problem about all this is that when i started thinking about all this i started feeling dejected and wanted to stop from committing my self from any social activity. but, very soon i realized that life is a gift and though we want a purpose for it, we need none to go on living an happy life. It also made me realize that, i no longer had to worry about the consequence of my actions and care about the future. no matter how the ending is its best to have lived to the fullest by the guidance of the our fore fathers than a selfish life or an animals life.